I Made Her Breakfast – She Flipped Me Off

On weekdays I’m usually pretty busy with work, starting about 5:45, going up to make a quick breakfast around 8 to bring right back down to my desk. In fact, I think I eat roughly half of my meals at my desk on any given week that doesn’t include a holiday or PTO. But on Saturdays and Sundays, it’s about a 60/40 chance I will make breakfast for both of us.

This morning’s breakfast was egg tortilla wraps. Hers had turkey and Mexican-Style Shredded Cheese, mine had Chicken Chorizo, Refried Beans, & Queso Fresco. Hers was delicious. Mine was awful.

So we’re sitting there chatting about this ‘n that, and something she said reminded me of a story on Twitter, so I asked “Did you read the Twitter thread about the Fairy Garden thing?” She hadn’t. So I found this tweet and SMS’d her the link.

I think everyone could use a lighthearted/happy story right now so here goes:

At the beginning of the pandemic I went through some painful personal stuff and would often go out at night for long walks because no one was around and I couldn’t sleep anyway. One night I was walking

— kelly victoria 🪐 (@saysthefox) December 12, 2020

Hey, why is it when you copy a Tweet’s URL to paste into an email or SMS, it always has ?s=NN (where “NN” is some integer, very often 20 or so)? I always backspace over that shit, ‘cuz I’m sure that’s how the Russians are tracking our online activity.

I wait patiently for her to get to the part of the story where it turns a little sad… the part where the family with the little girl are moving. My wife predictably and quietly exclaims, “Oh no…” and I muttered, “Yeah? Wait till you get to the part about the car hitting their dog.”

“WHAT?! WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME THIS STORY?!!”

I laugh, she realizes I’m kidding about the dog, and she flips me off.

Do please bear in mind she knew I was this sort of sick bastard well before we decided to marry.

The Fairy gift – glitter-bombed them so bad, they had to move.